I Miss You, Sister

Two weeks ago today, my sister passed away.

I was at my Mother’s when I got the call, cleaning her house while she napped. I was well into my sixth week of a nightmare trying to help her recover from an operation she had in January.

My sister was in poor health for many years. She had been in a nursing home for the past few months and actually seemed happier than I remember her being in a long time.

She was my confidant. My friend. The only one I could really talk to about how I felt about things, because she felt the same way I did.

I miss her so much.

I can’t seem to stop the tears sometimes. I know I am being selfish, because she was in so much pain before she died. But I miss her.

The day she died, I couldn’t even call my friends. They had been so supportive of my predicament with my Mother that how could I tell them this?

Sometimes life just seems to hand us too much.

And that day, it was too much.

I have since left my Mother’s house and have had time to grieve a bit. Grieving around my Mother was not an option.

We took two different paths, my sister and I. I became an overachiever/perfectionist, to fill the hole in my insides; she didn’t give a damn and slowly began to die from overindulgence and internal pain.

Although our paths were different, our feelings were the same. Selfishly, I will miss our talks, our sharing the pain, our laughing. She laughed so well.

I have thought long and hard about sharing this on my blog.

But this is part of my life. And life is just hard sometimes.

This day was dedicated to my Sister. I read her yearbooks, played her favorite music, put her picture here on my desk so we could share the day together. Now it is evening. Time to put away the toys and memories of childhood/ good and not so good, and get ready for bed. 

This was a good day. Tears and grief don’t turn good days into bad days. And tomorrow will be a better day, I just know it.

Love from Vicki and the bears.

P.S I love you, Sister. I feel you with me. I thank God for you in my life. We’ll still have our talks. I’ll try hard to hear you.