59, and Holding

Or maybe that should be “59 and letting go.”

I haven’t felt inspired recently to write on the blog, so I just flat haven’t. But today I feel the inspiration returning, so I will share how I feel with you, my teddy bear friends.

Yesterday I turned 59. So, it looks like 60 is just around the corner, if it be my destiny that I live until age 60. These days, I don’t take “anything” for granted, much less that I will be around to celebrate 60.

I seem to have entered a new phase of life that feels very exciting to me. Exciting in a peaceful kind of way. Not in the kind of way that would get one’s adrenaline pumping. I simply feel a shift; a change; a new vision, if you will, about life in general.

I’m not sure anyone could have convinced me that I would feel like this in my late 50’s if they would have spoken to the 20-year old I was at the time.

I feel a little less concerned about day to day trivia; a little less worried about the world in general; a little more grateful for the people in my life; a little more humble; a little less worried about my looks (mind you I said “a little” .. he he); and a little less worried about everybody else.

You see, I am at a place in my life where when you check the boxes, like on a survey or a questionnaire ….. I am on my last two boxes.

There are only two left.

I squandered my youth. Yes, I admit it. I was one of those people who thought youth would last forever. So, I squandered every minute of it, believing I would always be young and able to do whatever I wanted.

And then I turned a corner. And that corner wasn’t gradual for me. It was sudden and scary and I fought it like the plague. Nine years ago I turned 50 and everything changed. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, “how did this happen so fast?”

And now that 60 is staring me in the face, I feel like have graduated to a place where I am more at ease with the process and excited about whatever time I may have “left.”

And, I promise to myself not to squander my last two boxes.